There are few culinary debates that have created as large a rift between society as the age-old question of whether or not pineapple belongs on pizza. I, for one, believe pineapple on pizza to be a dietary crime and a choice that invites judgement from most and a side eye from anyone with taste buds.
Pineapple is a fruit, more specifically a multi-fruit, or a collection of fused flowers, like raspberries and blackberries. This means that it is incredibly sweet, juicy and moist. Its tropical flavor makes it perfect for piña coladas, fruit salads and snacking. In spite of that, the sweetness of pineapple does not allow it to fit into any dish that contains savory flavors, like pizza, which consists mainly of tomato sauce and cheese. If anything, the flavor of pineapple tends to clash with other ingredients, overpowering the savory flavors and making for a jarring and unsatisfactory experience that requires an immediate palate cleansing.
Adding to the combination’s many faults, pineapple also destroys the texture of a pizza. Pizza should be a balance between a crispy crust and gooey cheese, but pineapple’s high water content ruins this. As a result of this quality, pineapple turns the cheese into a watery, slimy, pulpy mess, leaving behind a strange mucus-like substance that coats the immediate area around the fruit. When in the oven, pineapple releases a lot of its water, a majority of which the crust soaks up, making the crust incredibly soggy. You are left with a soggy triangle of runny cheese that tastes like taking a bite out of a wet napkin.
Pizza is meant to bring people together. Sliced up, it is designed to be shared, but pineapples ruin this angelic food. Putting them on pizza creates a fiery division in a time of joy. From the moment a pineapple pizza is placed on the table, it becomes a point of controversy. Suddenly, there are debates and compromises, all knowing that some sorry soul is going to be stuck with the forbidden-fruit-covered slice. The tension turns a spirited meal into a war on culinary opinions. Instead of unifying, pineapple divides, driving a wedge between even the closest of friends.
Pineapple on pizza is not just controversial; it is a disgrace, a stain on the good name of pizza. It is the annoying little brother of the pizza world, causing debates and arguments that would never have occurred if you had just ordered plain cheese or pepperoni. Its sweet flavor clashes with the well-known and already established savory flavors in a pizza, the high water content destroys the texture, and while some may defend it by saying it is a matter of personal preference, pineapple on pizza is the perfect example of why just because you can do something does not mean you should. In short, you should keep your pineapples in the fruit bowl, far away from the pizza.
