The school bathrooms are not the best. With mysterious liquids on the floor, overflowing toilets and foul odors, they do not provide the optimal environment for relieving yourself. However, no matter how much you try to avoid them, you will need to use them eventually. Unburdening your bowels in an unfamiliar bathroom can be stressful; for a bathroom to provide the right environment, it needs to meet a myriad of standards: it should be clean, smell good and not be too crowded, but it must have enough stalls, sinks and urinals. Amenities like toilet paper, seat covers, functional soap dispensers, hand dryers and mirrors are also an important factor that must be taken into account.

Boys’ bathrooms are known to be truly horrific places almost everywhere, and while many of FHS’ boys’ bathrooms are unsanitary, two fall far below the rest — the 80s wing and the library bathrooms. The 80s wing bathroom might be the lesser of the two bathroom blunders but is nevertheless abysmal. Among the 80s wing bathroom’s most recognizable features are the urinals without dividers, where four people can engage in deep conversation while hiding nothing. The bathroom seems to prioritize urination over excretion, as it only has one stall. This is to the benefit of the users however, as the lack of toilets makes the stench bearable and reduces the amount of toilet paper carpeting the floors. Fortunately, the bathroom has four sinks, which is more than the other boys’ bathrooms; so even if the bathroom might be covered in urine, you do not have to be.

While it takes a lot to be worse than the aforementioned bathroom, the boys’ library bathroom has managed just that. The theme of conversational urinals recurs with the dividers appearing to be ripped out. While thankfully there are two stalls, only one locks, leading to increased stress levels. As a result of the overall higher traffic and carelessness the toilets in the library bathroom tend to go unflushed, making the stench significantly stronger than that in the 80s wing bathrooms. Due to its high traffic location, the overall cleanliness of the bathroom is also poor: the floor is covered in toilet paper, urine and what appears to be pubic hair. All of these factors combine to make it the worst bathroom in the school.

Not all of FHS’ boys’ bathrooms are disgusting though; the lower A-building boys’ bathroom is quite the opposite. It is almost always incredibly clean to the point where you can use the floor as a mirror, and apart from the rare occasions when someone experiences acute diarrhea, it smells like recently sprayed air freshener. In addition to this, the bathroom usually is not too crowded, which means that the toilets are consistently flushed. The bathroom is not without its faults however, one of which being the large stall gap. “Gap” does not do it justice, though: it is large enough to make full eye contact with the occupant. The bathroom also has only one urinal with very little space and no mirror. Despite all this, the bathroom is miles ahead of the rest in almost every aspect, making it the best boys’ bathroom and one that lets everyone let their logs go in peace.

Girls’ bathrooms are universally agreed to be cleaner than boys’ bathrooms, and FHS is no exception to this rule. Unlike the boys’ bathrooms, there are no girls’ bathrooms that should be absolutely avoided, but the one in the lower A-building is regarded as the worst. It is fairly clean, with the most notable observation being toilet paper occasionally hanging from the ceiling. The smell is markedly offensive, but the main issue seems to be the crowding. Because the bathroom only has three stalls (the least of any girls’ bathroom), it cannot accommodate nearly as many people as any of the other bathrooms.

The upper A building and 80s wing girls’ bathrooms are the two best in the school. Not only are they miles better than any of the boys’ bathrooms, but they are also considerably better than any of the other girls’ bathrooms. The upper A building has six stalls, which is the most of any bathroom at FHS, and it smells decent. The only flaw the reviewer could find was that the trash can is incredibly tiny. The 80s wing bathroom is only slightly behind, with five stalls and a phenomenal smell. The only drawback of this bathroom is that the water pressure for one of the faucets was not great.

The state of FHS’ bathrooms change almost every day, through lunches, brunches and students with gastrointestinal problems. This has made finding a decent bathroom quite the challenge and has led many students to hold back nature’s call. While these ratings may help currently, they are subject to change. So you should always remember that pooping in the sink is better than sinking in the poop.

BOYS BATHROOM

GIRLS BATHROOM